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Definition of Honeymoon:
a man's last holiday
before he starts working
for a new boss !!

Shaadi kya hoti hai ye samajhane ke lie ek scientist ne shaadi kar li.
ab usako samajh nahin aa raha ki Science kya hota hai.
*new fresh ekdum TAZA pati patni short jokes chutkule*

A Man Lost his Wife In Tsunami
One Drunk-Night ..
while standing on the Seashore, waves touching
on his feets .
He shouted to the Sea: 'No matter how many times your Waves Touch my Feet
I'll Never take her back .. !!
Its your mistake..
Deal With It Now...

Police Inspector: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
$fresh new husband wife jokes in english very funny$

shaadi jokes

When you are single you see happy couple every where,
When u r married
you see Happy Singles every where..........................husband wife jokes in english

Banta: Why did you beat your wife so much?
Santa: The ayurved told me to "beat properly" before administering the medicine to her!

Real Astronomers are in our family,
1st Mother who showed the moon in childhood.
2nd papa - who used to show the whole universe in just 1 slap.
Third wife - who shows stars during the day. This NASA is just confusion.

More or less, every husband is like a movie;
Produced by Mother and Directed by Wife!

very funny husband wife jokes in english-
Banta: How the word "Wife" was invented?
Santa: They took the first two and last two letters of "Wildlife"!

Two Golden rules of Very Happy Marriage
1-The wife is always right.
2-When you feel she is wrong slap yourself and read rule number 1 again.
Boys By the way this rules also applied on girlfriend.

Santa: I was a dude before marrying.
Banta: And what are you now?
Santa: Now I'm subdued!.......................funniest husband wife jokes ever

Aadmi dost se: "yar aisi bv ko kya kahenge jo khubsurat ho, samajhdar ho, baat manay aur kabhi naraz na ho?"
Dost: "afwah"

Wife is angry as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, girl slaps him for pinching.
Hubby to wife: I swear I didn't .
Wife: I know, I did it.

Husband:" Hamari 10th Aniverasrypar Me Tumhe..
Wife:" Wow..Aur 25th Aniversary Par.. ??
Husband:" Tumhe Wapas Lene Aaunga......................husband wife jokes in english

Lady Secretary: Sir, It's ur wife's call.
She wants to kiss U on the phone.
Boss: I am busy. U may take the msg & pass it on to me, later.

BEIZATI aur BIWI ajeeb cheez hoti hai gaur farmaye
BEIZATI aur BIWI ajeeb cheez hoti hai
Acchhi tabhi lagti hai jab dusre ki hoti hai.

Ek admi ne 100 times blood
karne ka record banaya
Blood bank wale uski wife ko prize dete hue kehte hi
Thank You!!! Apne nai piya, tabhi to hamne liya...................very very funny wife jokes ever

Dear Government,
Kindly consider Woman Shopping Bills as an Investment Proof.
Helpless Husband

Wife: Tum muje apne sath Bangkok kyu nahi le jate..??
Best answer given ever :-
Husband: Areh Pagli, Restaurant me bhi koi Tiffin le jata hai kya..

Wife: Baju-wali har saal apne pati k sath 20 din bahar ghumne jaati hai
Aap kabhi leke gaye ???
Husband: Maine to 4-5 baar poocha par wo nahi maani.........................funniest husband wife jokes ever

2015: wife..
Husband: ek cup garma-garam chai bna do jara..
Wife:" kyyaaaaa..?? Zara phir kehna..
Husband: maine kaha g, ek cup chai bana dun aapko..???

Husband roz ki tarah subhaa walk pe gaya to dekha bahar
tez baarish ho rahi thi...
wo turant wapas aa gaya aur chhaddar mein ghuss kar biwi se chipak gaya aur
"bahar bahut baarish ho rahi hai.... " Biwi (neend mein ) = "phir
bhi woh kamina walk pe gaya hai.......park me ladkiyo ko ghurr raha hoga"

Women are like Fruits...
Every one has its unique colour, shape, aroma and taste....
Problem is with men...!
They want
FRUIT SALAD..!!husband wife jokes in english

If you marry one woman, she will fight with you
If you marry 2 women, they will fight
Add wife! Have life!

Shadi ke 3 din bad patni apne pati se:- 'Suno ji aaj se aapke bina mai nahin aur mere bin aap nahin'...
Wahi patni shadi ke 10 sal bad pati se:-
'Uth kamime aaj ya to tu nahin ya mai nahin'

All Husbands are like Bluetooth.
Always connected to wife when she is around.
The moment wife is Away,
They automatically start searching new devices.

Dear Weather,
Please stop being so cold. We don't have hot boyfriends, we already have cold husbands with hot temper.

Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ?
Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ?
Wife: Can u fix the door handle ?
Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ?
In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed.
Husband: Who did all this ?
Wife: Our neighbour.
But he gave me 2 options.....
Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.
Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger.
Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ?!!

Husband sent an sms to wife:
thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever
i am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making
it worth living. You're great.
She replied that sms: pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao.. Daro mat..
Kuchh nahi bolungi..! !Husband: thank you.

Jeeto was trying to train a dog.
Santa: You will never succeed in making that dog obey you.
Jeeto: Darling it's only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with you in the beginning!

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess:
"Will you marry me ?"
The Princess said NO.
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles; went fishing
and hunting; played golf; dated women half his age; drank beer and scotch;
always had enough bank balance; he even left the toilet seat up and towel
on the bed whenever he wanted.

When husband breaks a glass.
Wife: Break everything. Break all these bottles... break the kitchen... break the house... just break everything!
And when wife breaks a glass.
Wife: Who kept this glass here?.......................very funny husband wife jokes in english

I'm not saying my wife's voice is annoying;
But right now... I'm really jealous of deaf people!

A successful marriage is based on give & take:
Where husband gives money, gifts, dresses and wife takes it;
And whereas wife gives advices, lectures,Tensions & husband takes it!

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

Husbnd-Hi baby! Was missing u so I called..
Wife: Oh. Wat abt d big fight we had 10 mins ago?
U nt angry?
Husband: Oh Sh!t! I dialled home again.

Husband & Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom : He fought with me again, I am coming to home.
Mom : No Dear, he must pay for his mistake,
I am comming to stay with you at your home.

Very funny Equality Law:
The time taken by a wife when she says I will be ready in 5 minutes to go outside
is exactly equal to the time taken by a Husband when He says “I will be home honey in 5 minutes"

Very Funny quote written on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils, but my wifé is the quèén of them.

Women starts with "W"
Because all Q start with "W"

Two Army Men were talking:
Army Man 1: Why did you join the army?
Army Man 2: I didn't have a wife and I loved war, so I joined... How about you? Why did you join the army?
Army Man 1: I joined because I had a wife and I loved peace!

If your wife laughs at your funny jokes
It means you either have a good joke or a good wife!

My wife is so sweet, every day she asks me what I want to have for dinner and then tells me to get it packed on the way back home!

There R 3 kinds of people
D 1 who learn by reading.
D 1 who learn by observation.
And D rest of them who get married and learn how it works!

Husband: Do U Know The Meaning
It Means Without Information
Fighting Everytime..
Wife: No Darling,
It Means.. With Idiot For Ever..!

Father to son: hey son! Why is your mother sitting so silent today??
Son: nothing dad.!!!!
she asked forlipstick and i heard favistick. Father: god bless you my dear son..

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested.
Everything you say can and will be used against you!

Banta: What is your favourite memory when you were unmarried?
Santa: Not being scared of Festival/Seasonal Big Brand Sales!

Married life in a nutshell:
Anything you say or do maybe used against you!

A married man's best asset is...
His 'Lie-Ability'!

A wife sent a SMS to her husband.
Wife: Hi Baby
Husband: Hi Darling(Sending Failed)
Wife: Are you there?
Husband: Yes, yes, darling, I am here.(Sending Failed)
Wife: Are you ignoring me or what?
Husband: Honey, I am not. I am trying to reply you!(Sending Failed)
Wife: It's over... don't ever talk to me again.
Husband: Ja Mar!(Message Sent)

A man gave his wife a diamond necklace.
4 months of not talking to the husband by the wife. What necklace was Duplicate?
No. Actually, that was the deal.

After extensive research, scientists have concluded
that women's "Whatever" means "I will never accept my mistake/faults".

Husband (angrily): Why You was delaying to accept my call?
Wife (irritated): I was dancing on ringtones.

Make love, not war, and If you want both... Get married.

Doctor patient's husband: How your wife feeling today?
Husband: She is now okay doctor...coz she fought with me in the morning.

To undersatnd "what is Marriage/Wedding" one scientist marry with H0T S@xi Girl
but know that scientist could not undersatnd "What is Science".

Things that make men Happy (*!*)
1. A game of Cricket
2. Friends over for a drink
3. Wife not at home
and if it all happens together, it doubles or triples the celebrations!

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much!

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us away from fighting with strangers/neighbour!

Wife to Husband: Will you take me out for dinner in the evening?
Your options are:
B) A
C) B

full form of wife
W-without I-information F-figh E-evertime......very funny jokes on wife

Wife: If you keep losing your hair at this speed, I shall divorce you.
Husband: Oh my God! And I was stupid enough trying to save them!

The sweetest msg: wife to husband : you should learn to hug ur mistakes.
The husband immediately hugged her !

My wife is on a fruit diet and her favourite fruit is....

new husband wife jokes in english - Definition of Husband: A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness!

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your wife!

Q: Why dogs don't marry?.
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Now a Days!!
Position of Husband is like a Split A.C,
No matter how loud he is outside,
But inside the house
He is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by
remote called Wife.