Modern...
Obedient..
Neat...
Kind...
Excellent..
Young.
Thats ME.
Dont feel sad... Ur name is also there... read d 1st letter of every word.

Santa: Doctor, this medicine
is not available at any medical store.
Doctor:oh sorry,
I forgot to write the medicine.
That was my signature.

A boy met a girl in Metro.
Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Boy: Awwww... Are you single?
Girl: No, I am a Dentist!

Madam: Complete the sentence. "Early to bed, early to rise..."
Happu: This man has neither WiFi nor Wife or Girlfriend!

My girlfriend said she wants me
to make her feel like she is the only girl in the world.
So I'm going to drop her off in the desert and leave!

Gurmeet Ram Rahim refuses to wear jail uniform,
insists on wearing his own designer multicolour clothes instead

Santa asked to Ramdev Baba- Baba I want to learn such Yoga
Which makes me owner of Patanjali Ayurved.

Tum Bhi Likha Karo Shayri
Tumhara Bhi Meri tarah Naam Ho Jayega,
Jab Tum Par Bhi Padenge Ande Aur Tamatar
To Sham Ki SABJI Ka Intezam Ho Jayega..

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Best pick up line to approach a Girl:
Boy: Is ur Dad Terrorist?
.
Girl: Wht?
Boy: No! I askd
Coz u r such a
Bomb!

Hindu marriage Láw doesn't permit 2 marriage?
Coz- Indian Constitution árticle 20(2) says: "No human cán be punished twice 4 the sáme offence...

Boy1: Meet my wife
Boy2: Oh! I knw her
B1: Hw?
B2: V wer caught sleepng 2gether
B1: Wat d fcuk?
B2: In college during history lecture class ..
MORAL: Think+ B+

Girl- your new mobile is very cute. How much does it cost?
Boy- Darling I won in a "Race" - Daur.
Girl-how many people were in the race?
Boy- mobile shop owner, 3 policemen and I.....whatsapp jokes

HELLO meri aavaj aa rahi hai.. Hello hello..?
.
kya aavaj nhi aa rhi hai?
.
ab.. ab bhi nahi.
.
abe dhaKKan ye SMS hai awaz kaha se aayegi.

Samundar Se Keh Do Apni Lehre Samhaal ke Rakhe,
.
Zindgi me Tufan Laane k Liye Hmara"Result"Hi Kaafi Hai..

Science vala Sochta hai k Rose kaise bana?
Arts vala Sochta hai k Rose kaise Draw karu.?
But
Commerce vala Sochta hai k Rose kise Du.?
Dat's marketing...

Once der was a fight between Me and a Tiger...
.
I Ran away...
Why?
.
To Save d Tiger...

Only 1411 r left!!! ;)
Otherwise u know me..

Propose or get married to a girl today and cut off your anniversary expenses upto 75% in coming years.
Your's sincerely 29th Feb........comedy sms in english

perfect things in life u should never lose:
1. Character
2. Self respect
3. Hope
4. Heart
5. ????

Well........ u know my name right..?

A girl chatting with a boy:
Girl: I love you
Boy: I love you too
Girl: Too late
Boy: You texted me at 10:55, I replied back at 10:57
Girl: What the hell were you doing at 10:56?

Top 5 funny shop names
1-Gandhi hair care
2-Malika saree centre
3-Salman marriage beauro
4-Dolly bindra fitness centre
5-Rakhi sawant satsang kendra.

Universal truth we learnt:-

"sun rises in the east"
Fact:- "sun neither rises nor sets, only earth rotates..!".

Moral :-)
"Educatn spoils our commonsense"

Love affair in school:
GIRL'S WAYS
A girl sitting on D 1st bench turns her back &
Sees D boy Sitting on D last bench & says- "Thank God !!!
Stupid Aaya Hai!"
.
BOY'S WAYS:
Be4 D boy could see his girl entering in D class
all his friends start shouting
"ABEY TERI WAALI AA GAYI".

A boy found aladin's lamp,
he asked him to increase
all girls brain ten times more..!!
.
.
.
.
.
He laughed & said:
.
.
Multiplication does not apply on zero..!!

Evry girl wants a guy..
.
Who hugs her wen tey r watching a scary movie,
.
Who will always b D 1 2 make her laugh,
.
Who will never complain, never stare at other girls,
.
Who will b romantic & nt scared 2 say "I love U",
.
& he will love her 4 who she is...
.
& tat guy is wat Google calls No Results Found'!

Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons agree to harass and spy on each other until death do them apart!

Student's Life is Like Hollywood Movies
School = Jurassic Park..
Principal = King Kong..
Vice Principle = Hulk..
Teachers = Aliens..
Class Guys = Planet of Apes..
Class Gals = Charlies Angels..
Syllubus = Deep Blue Sea
Exam = Mission Impossible
Invigilator = Terminator..
Result = 2018 ..(end of the world)

I don't need Motivation, what I need is...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Moti-vacation!

A vegetarian Guy looked at my burger and said, " You know, a sheep died so you could have that burger."
I looked at her salad and responded, " Maybe she died because you keep eating all her food!"

Time waits for no man...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Time is obviously a woman!

Overnight all Gurgaon property prices increase by 20 percent.
All properties now have a lake view!

Breaking News:
After watching so much 'Exuberance' & 'Drama' at JNU
'ISIS' & 'Lashkar' are planning to visit JNU for 'Campus Recruitment'!

Teacher: Your Son is intelligent But Spends a lot of Time Thinking About Girls
Mother: If You Find a Solution, Please Advise me, His Father has the Same Problem

A shocking note left by a wife while going out for shopping<br> &quot;Dear Husband, your wallet was getting fat so I am taking it out for a walk.&quot;

I like three things
.
1. Pizza
2. Pepsi
3. "You"
.
Pizza to eat,
Pepsi to drink,
and "you" to .....
..
..
..
Oh Hello! juda imotional maat ho...
.
Table kaun saaf karega.

Apple- I look like the human heart
Mango- I look like a stomach
Grapes- I look like eyes
Banana- I hate this game

Bihar Police arrested a youth humming 'Chaar bottle vodka Kaam mera roj ka. He was arrested by the police under the new 'Liquor Prohibition Law'.

A very small love story.. Boy:excuse me.! Girl-Yes, bro.!

Every person is a FREEDOM FIGHTER.....
.
.
Immediately after Marriage N Relationship !!

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?<br> Bunty: MS Excel<br> Lucky: MS Word<br> Bittu: MS Powerpoint<br> Pappu after thinking a lot, &quot;MS Dhoni&quot;!

1. Set the alarm of 7:00 am.
2. Wake up at 6:59 am.
3. 'Off' the alarm before it alarms.
4. Feel like a Bomb Defuser!!

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