Today was my first day entering a District court.
The judge shouted “Order, Order!!”
I was so excited,
So I shouted back “Chicken Fried rice, Mixed Fruit Salad and a Vanilla Icecream ”
I am now locked up in Jail.
I am sure they will bring my order soon.

Class mein Teacher nahin tha to bahut shor ho raha tha
Principal aaya aur gusse mein poochha
kiska Period chal raha hai
5 ladakiyaan sharmaate hue khadi ho gayeen aur kaha- Sir hamaara

I asked why Wall of China is the wonder of the world!
Answer:
It’s the only thing made in China that lasted years.

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : The same as of me!
Man : How come ?
Boy : He became a father only after I was born?

Boss ; So Tell Me Young Man, On What All Occasion Have You Realized That
You Have Importance in Company And Company Cannot Function Without You???
Employee: "Sir Whenever I Asked For A Leave"

Doctor :- You Should Take at Least 10 Glasses of Water Every Day..!
Patient Santa:- It Is Impossible.
Doctor :- Why.??
Patient Santa:- I Have Only 5 Glasses at Home..!

The legal age for voting is 18 years and the legal age for marriage is 21 years.
Which means you need more experience to handle a girl than a country.

Life m chahe kitne bhi dukh mile,Gum mile, Apne ansu behjane dena,Unhe mat rokna.Bcoz ruke hue Pani mai
'MALARIA' WALE MACHAR ANDE DETE H..BE ALERT....

Converting challenges into opportunity!
While in ATM Queue
Cute Girl: Hi, can you withdraw 2500 for me? The queue is too long.
Pappu: Don't worry, we can withdraw 2.5 Lakhs if we both get married!

Achhe Din Aane Wale Hain:
Now Govt. is going to take away all your 'Unregistered Properties' back.
Have you registered your 'Marriage'?

7 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or Cricket? 12 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course Honey.

New funny sms, good funny sms, best funny sms of 2018 collection. Read fresh msg on your mobile browsing latestsms.in

Girl 2 Ramdev:Baba agar main kisi ladke ko kiss karu??
Ramdev:Narak mai jaogi.
Girl:Agar aapko kiss karu to??
Ramdev:Chalaak ladki..!Swarg jana chahti hai

Teacher:Tum kis Khandan Se Ho ?
Ladka:Janwaro ke.
Teacher:kyou?
Ladka:Papa Mujhe ullu ka Patha,
Mammi Mujhe Gadha,
Dada ji Sher ka Beta or
Dadi Bandar Kehti hai.

Mandir Me Juta Utarte waqt.
Aur Miss call Marte Waqt .
Ek Darr Rahta Hai Ki.
Koi Utha Na Le .

God saw u r parents hungry
He created pizza

He saw them thirsty
created milk

He saw them walking
created car

he saw them without any problems
he created YOU

ek computer field ki ladki kya gaali degi sale infinite loop
paidayshi error virus k bache 1 click marungi to dharti se delete ho
ke paatal mai instal ho jayega

Golu 2 dhobi:Ye T-Shirt Ulti kar k press kar krna.
3 din Baad
Golu:Meri T-Shirt press ho Gayi.
Dhobi:Babuji press kese karta 3 din se ulti hi nai ayi.

Sabse bada aatank
kisi ka mobile lo
aur phone book
me jakar delete
all kar do phir
mobile wale ka
chehra deko aur
thoda sa muskura do.
Bus..............

Teacher:Maine Kal Subah Ek Ladki Dekhi.
Iska Future Tense Banao.
Student:Hum kal Tak usko fassa Lenge.

Ham raat ki tanhai mai apki awaz sunte hai chand se apka jikar karte hai mat Aao hamare kawabo mai ham prait se bahut darte hai.

MASTER JI :- Agar sache Dil se GOD se prathna kijaye to woh puri hoti hai..
LADKA:- Rehne do sir, agar aisa hota to aj ap mere sir nhi SASUR hote..

zuban chup ho to ankhe bolti h, ankhe band ho to sasen bolti h, sase band ho to dhadkan bolti hai, dhadkan band ho to...DOCTOR BOLTA HAI I AM SORRY"

MURGA: I Love You.
MURGI: Ha.
MURGA: Me Teri Payar K Liye Kuch V Karsakta Hu.
MURGI: OH Realy?
MURGA: Yess
MURGI: to ANDE de ke dikha!!!!!

Teacher 2 student-past, present, future ka 1 example me deti hu or 1 tum do
Teacher-"m sundr thi,sundr hu,sundr rahungi.
Stdnt-apko veham tha,veham hai or veham rahega

Baap: Sharab, Cigarette, Larkian Yeh Sab Tumhari Dushman Hai Beta.

Beta: Jo Mard Apne Dushmano Se Bhagta Hai Woh Buzdil Hota Hai Dady.

Professor: What Is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
Student: Jimbalakadi Bambalu
Profesor: What? Sorry, I Didn't Understand U?
Student: Same Here Sir!

Reporter: Sir, what's your opinion on demonetisation?
Lalu Prasad Yadav: Mushkil Se Intolerance Bolna Seekha Tha... Ab Sasura Yeh Bhi Seekhna Padega!

Meanwhile, Bill Gates is confident that even with white money, Indians will buy pirated Windows!

kal ek bahut hi bura khwaab dekha, khwaab mein kisi ne kaha,
.
.
.
"tera net band ho gaya." kasam se jaan hi chali gayi thi.
aab bato yaar 14 Feb ka wakt ettna bura Sapna
to Sapna kese milegi

China mein jab bachcha paida hota hai
to vo Baap ya Maa par nahin, Pure China par jaata hai.
ise kahate hain Deshbhakti!

Ladki: Aata hai?
Dukaandaar: 'Patanjali' ka hai
Ladki: Mujhe *Aashirvaad* chaahie
Dukaandaar: sada suhaagan raho

Ek Bihari ki tapasya se khush hokar bhagwan
Amrit Dete hai.
Wo mna kar deta hai
Bhagvan ne poocha- kyo vats
Amrit kyo nahi pi rahe ho
Bihari- abhiye khaini khaye hai Prabhu....

kaun kahata hai sirph dil jalata hai..
:
:
zara dhoop mein khadee baeek par baith kar dekho.

Reporter- Nitesh Ko- aap dahej pratha kese band karege?
Nitesh Jee- are bhai kar to diya e mai koi saak hai ka
10 th mai kaval 50.12% students passed
10+2 mai kaval 35.25% students passed
.
Abb ladka 10 aur 10+2 mai paas hi nahi karega to
kon muhh se dahej mangega....