A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds “Wife Wanted”.
The next day, he received 1000 of replies,
all reading: “You can have mine.” Free delivery also available at your door step

Teacher: Agar koi moti ladki palat ke waapis aae to,
is sentence ko English mein kya kahenge?
Pappu: "Gol Maal Returns!"

Banti: Aadmi bina koshish kuchh nahin ban sakata.
Papu: kyon nahin ban sakta? abhi kal ki baat hai ki main bina koshish ke bada
Bhai ban gaya.

Pappu: Papa ghar mein mehmaan aae hain aur sharabat bnaane ke lie nemboo nahin hai, ab kya karoon? Santa: abe, darata kyon hai? nae Vim Baar mein 100 neemboo kee shakti hai, daal de 2 boond beta!...best jokes 2017

Banta: How did you find that doctor was fake?
Santa: Because he had a good handwriting!

Sharma: Roz subah 50 cute girls mera intezaar karti hain..
verma: Woh kaise?
Sharma: Main Girls College ki Van ka driver hun!!

Gunde ka beta oral exam mein fail ho gaya
aur aakar apne baap se bola: Un logon ne 3 ghante tak meri puchtach
ki magar apun bhi teri aulad hai, saala kuch bhi nahi bola

HR: Why should I hire you?
Candidate: Mere Baad Koi Aur Ayega, Phirse Interview Lena Padega,
Aptitude, Technical Round... Kitna Kaam Karoge Sir Wohi Salary Mein?
Hired

Tum paas aae
Yun muskuraye
Apne 32 dant
Mujko dikhaye
Dekh ke mera dil
Phoot Phoot ke rota hai
*
*
Yaar tumse BRUSH bhi
Theek se nahi hota hai

u r genius,
ur mind is a master piece.
It is divided into left and right.
In the left part nothing is right
and in right part nothing is left.

Santa selling parachute.
U Can Jump from plane & press button & u can land safely.
Customer: if parachute doesn’t open?
Santa: Paisa Wapas

Sardar: Shirt K Liye Badhiya Kapda Dikhana?
SalesMan: PLAIN Me Dikhau?
Sardar: Hawai Jahaaz Tak
Jaane Ki Kya Zarurat Hai?
Yahi Dikha.

Doctor: Do you smoke?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Alcohol?
Patient: Yes, every day.
Doctor: Exercise?
Patient: Never.
Doctor: Girlfriend?
Patient: Many.
Doctor: Can we be friends?

Q. Aap me aur Pepsi me kya Similarity hai?

Ans: Both r cool, sweet, Sub pasand karte hai aur most important similarity is

Dimaag wali jagah DHAKAN hai........short funny jokes

Santa -I kiss my wife daily before i go to office,
Banta -I kiss ur wife after u go to office,
Santa-oye balle balle first to main hi aya!

Pe-peep Pe”peep
Pe-peep
Peep peep Pe’peep
Ghng ghngg
P-peep
Pe’peep
Pe”peep
Saaamnay se hat Jaaao
sms aa raha hai

Fill blank wth YES/NO
1)…,Im not mentally fit!
2)…,I have no brain!
3)…,I have no commonsense!
4)..,I am mad!

Me aapko ENGLISH ka 1 word bhejta hu,
Jise aap aage se padho ya pichhe se,
aapko aapka hi naam dikhai dega,
.
.
- U L L U   | best jokes

Pappu to the shopkeeper: Printer Ka Paper Dena.
Shopkeeper: A4?
Pappu: A for Apple. Tu Paper De Na Yaar! Dimag kyo chaat raha hai

Santa: beta tumhaare Resulat ka kya hua?
Pappu: paapa 99%
Santa: Shocked!
Santa: par tumhare report card mein to 35% likha hua hai.
Pappu: paapa baaki 64% subsidies me aaega......clean papu jokes

Teacher: 1 bike pe kitane adami baith sakate hain?
Pappu: 13 men.
teechar: vo kaise?
Pappu: 1 chaalak aur 2 chhakke!.........clean papu jokes

Yahoooooo…….!
Exams ki saari taiyaari ho gayi
Pen
Pencil
Scale
Eraser
Sab Taiyyar hai
BUS AB..
Padhna baki hai …: | clean funny jokes

Husband : Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Faayada Hua.
Wife :kaun Sa Faayada?
Husband : Mujhe Mere Gunaaho ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gai

mard mirch ki tarah tikha aur tej hota hai
Magar mirch kitne bhi tej kyo na ho-aurat uska
achar dal deti hai

Judge-tumhara jurm saabit ho chuka hai kal tumko phasi par
latkaya jayega
Santa-Sir, lekin utara kaab jayega..Dukan bhi to kholni hai

Santa got an invitation to a party which said ‘Red Tie Only.”
When he went to the party, he was surprised to see that other were wearing pants and shirts also.

A fat woman is waiting for a bus at a bus stop.
How do you describe this is one word?
TiTU : MOTIVATING!

Teacher: What will happen if the 3rd World War takes place?
Student: We will have one more chapter in our history book!